OK, so we all have our little quirks, the little thinkgs about us that make us who we are and inturn can sometimes make us feel a bit crazy, right? Well, I have been smaked over the head with a past struggle today in a way that relates to parenting (is that vague enough for everyone?) It's just kids being kids, but when I look at it through the eyes of my experience, part of me wants to flip out and I'm feeling I may not deal with it like I want to or like I ought to.
Then, after coming home from the first situation, I listened to a message from one of Evy's teachers (she's had 4 days of school, one being a field trip sledding that Jayson went to with her)
"Hi Mindy, this is Jan, Evy's teacher from preschool. I just felt a little bad about what happened with Evy yesterday and I wanted to talk to you regarding a few things about Evy. Give me a call back today or we can talk on monday, too. Thanks."
So, I know I'm probably just being rediculous, but I'm TOTALLY afriad to talk to her. I don't feel like an adult, I feel like a third grader just called to the principal's office. I am terrified she's going to tell me I've toatally skrewed up my baby and done everything wrong and she's that kid in the class....or not ready or disrespectful or any number of things. And inside I'm thinking: I can't do this. I can't be a mother. What was I even thinking when I thought I could handle this school stuff? And the worst part is, I can't run away. Evy will be in school for the next 15 or so odd years. I HAVE to talk to this teacher and be Evy's mother and do the right thing. And I will, But right now I just want someone else to do it so this woman won't see that I'm terrified of her, and of mothering, and of making a mistake with the most precious gift God ever gave me!!!
I am so not a rational person right now.
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1 comment:
In keeping with the theme from my own recent post, I think you need to remember that you're not in Kansas anymore. The fuzzy flashbacks from your past are nothing in comparison to what you have become.
Your banner of motherhood requires that you now do your best to deal with problems as they come (even though you can't always solve them...)
Good luck on this voyage. Let me know if I can help.
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