So maybe that's where the expression comes from.
A heel am I. Like the smelly, bottom of a foot constantly reminded by the crush of the pavement that it is but a meager part.
I think I’m developing a complex. (And let me put a disclaimer here that I really don’t want all the well meaning “oh no! You’re not, Mindy” responses-- But even as I type my disclaimer my neuroses is surfacing again. That’s a bit presumptuous after all; assuming people will think you’re not a heel after hearing your story.)
But I digress.
I have this fear of “dropping the ball.” You know, some one is depending on you, or you’re supposed to do something and it’s just “expected,” or correspondence, or gift giving…the list goes on. Anyway, I was reminded today that I have, indeed dropped the ball. After an imaginary argument with my own personal Jiminy Cricket I realized he (or I) was right. (meaning I was wrong.)
I dropped the ball. I did. No blaming others, no hiding it. I forgot a gift, and more than one thank you and I HATE that. And, I was reminded of it in an email today that sounded a bit like my stupidity had hurt some feelings. I love gift giving and thank you writing (I know, call me a freak). And I forgot. And I hate, HATE, HATE (Is there a stronger word of dislike than that? If you think of one, insert it here.) when people are hurt because of me. Now I’m trying to decide the proper course of action while feeling like a dolt for messing up in the first place.
This has sent me spiraling downward in the try-so-hard-but-can-never-be-as-good-as-so-and-so train of thought. Adding moment by moment to that You’re-just-not-quite-good-enough chip that can reside in my heart and on my shoulder.
And even as I type, I realize what a pathetic people pleaser I’m being. So I made a mistake. Buck up camper! Say “sorry” make it right and move on! “Therefore, am I now trying to win the approval of men or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men I would not be a servant of Christ.” (props to good old Paul the Apostle (Galatians 1:10))
Garf! Blah! Gruph!
What a neurotic. Hope hearing what a dufus I can be reminds you that we’re all in this together, and I am no one to judge. So if you ever forget my birthday or something, don’t give a second thought about it. I won’t be mad. (And I'm going out tomorrw to buy wedding gifts so I don't forget!)
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4 comments:
Mindy, Mindy, Mindy. The fact that you like to write a card at all counts for something. Your life is crazy right now. I would hope that you as well the person offended could give you some grace. If an apology is actually necessary, only you can really make that call, than like you said...give it, move on. I emphasize that part about apologizing. Etiquette shouldn't come before sanity.
You are such an incredible and abstract dork. I all of a sudden have the desire to reach across the Midwest to pinch your cheek, or ruffle your hair or something. Then I am reminded that most of us can glimpse into our recent past and remember a time where we let the Martha Stewart's in ourselves down.
I hope this doesn't clash too terribly with the conscious you have sitting on your shoulder, but I have to say it sounds like you're trying to impress your alter ego (maybe they should talk?)
And let me know how it goes, because I'll need the pointers.
Love you, you heartless worm.
See you soon!
Oh Sister. How come we are always harder on ourselves than we would ever think to be on others? To echo a great friend of yours, Kelly Gambee, your life IS crazy right now and I hope that a little grace would be bestowed upon you during this time. Maybe the grace has come from the other party involved and hasn't yet come from yourself? Love you sister!
You better NOT be getting me a wedding gift. I have never meant it more than in this situation, just you guys being here and being involved is the BEST!
YOu mean RoxANNA. Hee hee...get it? you look like your sister?
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