The One Thing

OK, When I titled this blog I pictured curly sitting by the camp fire with Billy Crystal and his other city slicker pals holding up one leathery finger to reveal the meaning of life....but no, this post is not about movies. (If it was about movies I would be writing about how enjoyable Hairspray is or how I can't wait to see The Bourne Ultimatum....but like I said, it's not.)

We had a great message in church today that really got me thinking. Here's the cliff notes:
The passage was from the book of Matthew about the rich young ruler. The guy runs up to Jesus and asks how he can inherit eternal life. Jesus tells him to keep the commandments. He says he's kept them all since he was a boy. (To this I say "yeah, right".... but that, along with his motive for even asking the question is another topic.) The Bible says Jesus looked at him and loved him. Then he told him there was one thing he lacked: He should sell all his possessions and go follow Jesus as one of his disciples. The rich man couldn't do it, so he went away sad.
The challenge given to us was to ask God what our "one thing" is. What's the thing that's holding me back in my relationship with God?

All sorts of stuff was swirling in my head. I feel nominal. I feel like Jesus is this great guy I used to be really good friends with, but we've kind of drifted for one reason or another. Like those friends in high school or college you get to know and the beginning of the year and really like but then second semester for some reason you just don't hang out so much anymore. I still like the guy, but we're just not as close as we used to be. I feel like I want to do something great for God, but I don't do it. I want to be completely "sold out" (that sounds so christian-y...sorry) but I don't want to come off as weird or something. I feel deeply, but I let the feelings subside and instead busy myself with house and kids and life.
All this stuff was swirling in my mind, but I couldn't pinpoint it as "one thing". Then it hit me. (I say "hit me" but really, I am sure it was God doing the hitting.)
My one thing, the thing I'm lacking--

it's courage.

Fear keeps me from selling out, from letting go, from diving in. So here I stand, my one thing identified. And now it's time to start out. I need to push away the whisper in my head that says that was the high school/college 'season' of my life and it is at an end.The little voice that says those feelings and emotions and way of life are less mature and more flighty than this safe "adult" life I've somehow found myself in.

I am at the trailhead. My pack is on my back and the path ahead beacons. It's not wide, it's small and narrow and even overgrown in spots. Will my Guide be trustworthy? Is my compass pointing true north? A fresh wind brushes my face and I stand wondering if it's real, or all an illusion. Deep down there's an excitement. My feet and my soul are restless to get on the trail. Is it foolish to start on this journey? Am I really just chasing my youth?

So here I am. Can I find the courage to step forward, To truly heed Jesus as he said "come and follow me"? What does that even look like now, with a husband, a home, two kids and a dog?
Do I have the courage to find out?


I guess I won't know until I take that next step.