Not so Ordinary

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
--quoted from Marianne Williamson by Nelson Mandela


I've been thinking about this quote this evening. And I know I should read it and feel inspired and in awe of my own God-given worth--I used to read it that way...but the truth is, lately, I just feel.....ordinary.
I don't feel "brilliant" or "gorgeous" or "fabulous". I don't feel like I'm shrinking, but neither am I "manifesting the glory of God that is within [me]."
It's kind of like the mirror I have stashed in the corner of our garage right now. It's in the back behind a jumble of wood scraps and sawdust and several outside toys that have seen better days. It was formerly attached to a highboy I stripped and repainted for our bedroom. I was able to "swankify" the dresser, but the mirror no longer looked right, so I unscrewed it and schlepped it out to the garage until I could figure out what to do with it. See, the thing about the mirror is; it looks bad. It's kinda cloudy. I am sure it used to be great, but as it's aged its starting to flake, to bubble a bit. I can't throw it away. The dresser is an antique, and the mirror belongs with it; but while the dresser fits in, the mirror is tucked away: It just doesn't reflect right anymore.

When I look at Mandela's quote, I don't really see myself reflecting; shining like he supposes I'm intended to. I feel more like the mirror in my garage. Maybe I used to reflect something wonderful, but now, well, I've tucked that part of me away. It doesn't seem to reflect right anymore. Maybe I'm just getting old.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I haven't taken very good care of the mirror stashing it in the garage like that. And maybe I haven't taken very good care to see what I'm reflecting lately. I mean, we're all mirrors of a sort, right? "We were born to make manifest the glory of God"--to reflect Him--to reflect something.
I want to be better at reflecting Him, not displaying whatever distorted thing that happens to be flashing through my little mind at any given moment, not my selfish thoughts or small ambitions. I want to take the mirror back out and start reflecting properly again...I think maybe I need to dig that mirror out of the garage too, and remind myself to take care so I don't end up destorting what I'm meant to reflect.